DEAF?? There are so many amusing things that may occur in a barn, especially when horses are present! After the suspicious steward had left the scene, the trainer continued with his instructions "Just keep on the rail. What do you do?Get off the carousel and sober up.What did the mother horse say to the foal who stayed up too late?Its pasture bedtime!How much money does a bronco have?A buck.Have you heard the one about the runaway horse?Its a terrible tale of WHOA!Why dont horses like being promoted?They hate being saddled with extra responsibility.When does a horse get depressed by the weather?When it reins.What kind of bread does a horse eat?Thoroughbred.What do you use to make a horse change gear?A canter-lever.What is a horses favorite sport?Stable tennis.What kind of horse travels all around the world?A globe trotter.When do horses always stand to attention?Whenever you play the Grand National Anthem.Whats the hardest thing about learning to horseback ride?The ground.How do you get a jockey to wait a moment?Tell him to hold his horses! The other one responded: "we lost, but just barley.". The barman confuses idioms with jokes and offers him a glass of water, but can't make him drink. With Southern Horspitality.Why are young horses often in trouble?They cant stop foaling around.What disease are horses most scared of getting?Hay fever.What do you call a truly international horse?A globe-trotter.Where do horses go if they need to have an operation?The horse-pital.100 years ago everyone owned horsesAnd only the rich owned carsNow everyone has a car,and only the rich own horsesThe stables have turnedThat horse is so spontaneous.It always does things in the spur of the moment! Im sorry, sir, says the barman. The cowboy couldnt believe his eyes. Guy: Yes, I love to do drugs. Gold Cup. Then he yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull." Nevermind its tearable. What is one of the hardest times to win a horse race? OLBG gives away 200 every month to the top tipsters in the horse racing naps table, with a prize structure of 50 to the member who finishes first, 25 to the member who finishes second and 25 other prizes of 5. A friend has a horse which will only come out after dark. The guy is gobsmacked, jaw-dropped and speechless. A man has a racehorse who never won a race. Larry, looking very confused, replies, "well, so had I, but I didn't think he could do it again.". 4. These have resulted in a $10,004 cash profit as of February 2022. Quiet horse. Did you hear about the man who was hospitalized with six plastic horses inside him? Race it, replies the jockey, surprised. The horse, half asleep says, "I have to get up at three in the morning.". Laugh more here: Hilarious Mountain Puns and Jokes. The Bookies Enemy. Benny pulled the car out of the ditch. A horse walks into a bar. A man rode his horse to town on Friday. Some poor horse is walking around in his socks. It would have been a photo finish, but by the time my horse finished, it was too dark to take a picture. There are also horse racing puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls. The *unofficial* (not run by the BBC) reporting of the BBC Radio 4 Today Programme's racing tips. One of the farmers is better at math and so kept a tally. Two-two won one too. These funny horse jokes are sure to make you and your pals laugh out loud! For example even with our missing pieces and inspired. I'll take that bet any day." The therapist asked, "Why such a long face?". My wife and daughter are leaving me because of my obsession with horse racing My wife and my family are leaving me because of my obsession with watching horse racing on TV. Horse Racing News 25/2/23 Saturday Horse Racing Best Bets and Tips for Sandown Feb 24, 2023 To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. As the dog strolls past them, they stare in silence. Required fields are marked *. Q: Why did the cookie cry? Pentagram, obviously, came in fifth. An out-of-towner accidentally drives his car into a deep ditch on the side of a country road. Giant Joke. Hay fever! Another horse breaks in: "Well, in the last 27 races, I've won 19!". HORSE RACING TIPS. Because no one wants to bet on a seahorse. (In a whisper), your neighbor. Here weve compiled a list of some of our favorite horse jokes one liners. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our friggin' lungs out. The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip. What do you call a long race in which only female horses can run? Turfcutter is one of the most successful horse racing tipsters. Then he yelled, really loud, "Now pull, Fred, pull hard." If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. This one I got from Facebook and it looks catchy. I'm looking out the window at them now.. and they're off.. No matter how hard I try, the horses are just way faster. South African jockeys were jockeys were completely dismantling their opponents despite riding lame horses and weighing 250 pounds. If you get cancer, it's okay -- you're already dead. It's little wonder that horses remain one of the most popular animals in the world they're just such an amazing mix of power and beauty. Their budget just wasn't high enough to afford high quality gear, but they were still beatin . ), 50 Funny Marketing Jokes That Will Increase Business Sales, Flirty Jokes To Make Your Sweetheart Smile, 85 HILARIOUS Fruit Jokes That Are Berry Funny. RACING Triple Crown's alive as Golden Sixty wins Citi Hong Kong Gold Cup thriller Golden Sixty overhauled Romantic Warrior in a gripping finish to the HK$12 million G1 Citi Hong Kong Gold Cup (2000m) at Sha Tin on Sunday (26 February) - the second leg of Hong Kong's Triple Crown - under Vincent Ho for trainer Francis Lui. All our racing tips are guaranteed free and available to all. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. From clever wordplay to silly jokes about jockeys, theres something for everyone in the world of horse racing humor. After trying My Best, I've decided if One More Thing upsets me again, I'm calling it Quits. There was a man who was born on the fifth day of the fifth month of 1955, whose lucky number was five. "What was that?" Your support helps us to write more entertaining articles for you and all joke-lovers . Advertisement. Get tips for your horse racing betting at advised odds and let us help you back a winner. What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse's mouth? "I don't mean to boast," says the greyhound, "but in my last 90 races, I've won 88 of them! The ground! Five years later, as the two horses were grazing in their pasture, Noggin walked up to Hobbin and said, "Hey, you know, you won all of those races we were in. After 2 weeks pass, they are ready to race. The doctor said: Its OK, youre just a little horse.A jockey is walking down the road leading a racehorse when he bumps into a friend. The outside. He withdrew the whole amount, dashed back to the races and bet all of it on Pentagram to win. You don't mean? said the man. and Jenny was the name of my horse. There are plenty of canadian jokes . The horse replied, "You read my mind!". Whyd ya kiss your horse on the ass before coming in? How to read our Picks. Can I watch the TV? I asked what the odds were. Every time I hurt myself, even to this day, my dad says, The good news is..itll feel better when it quits hurting.'. Featured Horse Racing. The hostess said hey. Horse Racing Tip Jokes. The barman confuses idioms with jokes and offers him a glass of water, but cant make him drink.What did the horse say when it fell?Ive fallen and I cant giddyup!Which type of cheese do horses like best?Masc-a-ponyWhat do you give a horse with a sore throat?Cough stirrup.Why was the horse feeling so stressed?It was saddled with responsibility!How can you tell a police horse from a normal horse? The only thing that could possibly pass you down the home straight is either the steward or me". Racing is a thrilling and exciting sport, with high-stakes races drawing crowds of spectators from all over the world. The jockey thinks the trainer is mad but promises to shout the command. Where do horses go when theyre sick?The horsepital.A talking horse walks into a bar and approaches the manager. It finished fifth. What did the teacher say when the horse walked into the class? Laugh more here: Clean Jokes That Are Actually Funny. 5 minutes later, I arrived at 555 5th street and rushed to my office in room 505. A t. There was a guy who was a gambler you know, he always bet on the number five, so he went to the horse races. These horses are quick!" These 35 horse puns will make you whinny and neigh while you These 35 horse puns will become a mane-stay in your joke library, from funny horse jokes to goofy puns with clever plays on words and more. Why do New Zealand race horses run faster than other race horses? There was a race horse named Charlie that was doing really great and winning all his races. "You got to ride him to win," the trainer says, "because I've got a monkey on this horse, and so has my wife." "Will there be any room for. The tireless helpers of humans, on whose backs civilizations were built. They have a stable diet. Racing 1h Tuesday racing preview &. At the top of our rankings of the best horse racing tipsters is The Bookies Enemy. A racehorse walks into a bar with its entourage. I might have done better if I had a horse, They put up some of their grain crops for the gamble. An attractive? This is a long-running service that has established a formidable reputation, particularly in recent times with over 300 points profit made in 2022, with a return on investment over 40%. What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horses mouth? What do you call a horse that cant lose a race?Sherbet.Whats black and white and eats like a horse?A zebra.Why should you never be rude to a jump jockey?In case he takes offence.What makes a horse sneeze?Hay fever.Rein it in with the gossip!Youll stirrup trouble.What sort of horses come out after dark?NightmaresWhy did the man stand behind the horse?He was hoping to get a kick out of it.Horses favourite vintage TV chef?Fanny Paddock.Look at that horses new boyfriend.Hes such a stud!What do you call a horse that lives next door to you?A neigh-bor.Horses favourite pop duo?Stall and Oats!Where do horses get their hair done?At the hair saloon.Whats a horses favourite TV show?Neighbours of course.I named my horse Mayo.Sometimes, Mayo-neighs. A Reliant Dobbin. The horsepital. He says fuck and looks bummed out the devil walks up and says why the long face. 6 hours ago. Say it again! The dog says a little confused, Well I just said that you both were so great out there. Pat says, Charlie! So the next day he entered them into a local derby. You cant go wrong with a horse joke for animal lovers. My horse came in so late the jockey was wearing pyjamas. His mum doesnt believe him.Your dad has never taken anyone to the zoo in his whole life, she saysWell he did, the boy replies, and one of the animals paid us 50., Get email updates with the day's biggest stories. What do you give a sick horse? Theyre all girls, otherwise theyd be uncles., Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth its pasteurized before you even see it, Whats Forrest Gumps password? I am Julia, I love to laugh and I love to make people laugh. his wife asked. Did you hear about the depressed horse? Horse Racing Tips from HorseRacing.net are supplied by over 50 expert tipsters and journalists from publications such as The Racing Post, The Sun and The Daily Mail together with our own analysts including Raceolly, Steve Chambers and Billy Grimshaw. Quiet horse, who? Tuffara. Neither of you should be upset with that. My wife and kids are leaving me because of my obsession with horse racing. Here's my list of recommended horse racing tipsters, all with a verified . These 65+ Horse Puns And Jokes Are Hay-larious. So get ready to whinny with laughter at our collection of funny knock knock horse jokes! Funniest Horseracing Jokes By Captain Thomsen on 26 Nov 2015 Some race horses stay in a stable. One day, King Arthur had to leave the kingdom for an extended period. The other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine. Good luck @BBCRadio4. Racing also provides plenty of material for humorous jokes and puns. Benny just stood. 16:50 Sierra Nevada (SP) [jokes on you plebs! "Oh nothing" said the trainer, "just a polo". Did you ask me equestrian? There was this man by the name of Mr Five. Published daily around 08:30. I want to be honest, finding horse racing jokes is pretty tough, so if you have any suggestions please leave a comment and we will update this post with the best ones! Click here for more information. Horse Racing Tips Unrivalled insight and top tips for today's horse racing from The Sun Related Topics Templegate's Tips Grand National Cheltenham Festival 2023 Royal Ascot 2022 Racing. A little hoarse. What sickness do cowboys get from riding wild horses? 142 Funny Horse Puns That Are Just Oat-Standing. Its a talking dog!. A few hours later, the wife smacked the husband with a frying pan again. On his birthday, he went to the racetrack and was astounded to see that in the fifth race (scheduled for five o'clock) a horse named Pentagram was running, with the odds of 55 to 1. Knock Knock.Whos there?Quiet horse.Quiet horse, who? The sharp analyst holds a 36% strike rate from over 26,000 tips. 12-1 dusty carpet. If youre a fan of horses, or just love a good pun, then youre in the right place. Other horse says 'that's amazing' same thing happened to me, I'm trailing the field, and I got a wierd tingle up my back, burst of energy and I won the race. Grand National Jokes Grand National Gambling Tips V-NECK 15/1 its always been a good jumper "Foundation" 2nd Race. They were very happy that he retired there to stay with him, and congratulated him on all of his records that he set. Devil: Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. If you want to make your day and lift your mood, look no further. Unfortunately all the others came in at 12.30.Why couldnt the horse dance?Because he had two left feet.Who do ponies call when theyre possessed by demons?An ex-horse-ist!Name a horses favourite Baywatch actor?David Hasselhoof.A horse sits down in a movie theater and the woman next to him asks, Excuse me are you a horse?Why yes, I am, replies the horse.What are you doing at this movie?The horse says, I really liked the book.The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Trusted from Kentucky to Hong Kong. The question is did Bob Olinger underperform at Cheltenham or was he just made to look ordinary by the brilliance of Galopin Des . A horse walks into a restaurant. After that the farmer decided that the horses had done it, they'd won the most prestigious races in the world; they had earned their retirement. Enjoy! Unfortunately for Larry, the white horse won. I said "I think this race has a few more horses in it." Well, by the look of it, the man says, Youll win!Have you ever heard of the band Foals?They have a colt following.How did the horse with the speech impediment feel after corrective surgery went wrong?A bit filly.What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horses mouth?A mechanic.What does it mean if you find a horseshoe?Some poor horse is walking around in his socks.I recently bought a female Horse that I was hoping to ride daily, but she only sleeps during the day.Shes turning out to be such a Nightmare.I put a bet on a horse to come in at 10 to 1 and it did! I couldn't believe it, what are the odds of that. Whos there? When you spend all of your time, energy, and money on horses, you need a good sense of humor. Sounding easy the man says. A loud horse that wants to annoy you! Smoke a doobie the size of the Titanic. and while driving home from the pet store, he was talking on the phone. ", Another horse breaks in, "Well in the last 27 races, I've won 19!!". The next day he rode back on Friday. When Charlie entered the stable, everyone went up to him to congratulate him on his records and wins. Read More. Knock Knock. Bonnie and Clydesdale! Expert picks, live race video, and home to Beyer Speed Figures. What did the horse say when it fell over? Oh in the summer I do racing and in the winter I do the showjumping. says the horse. What do you call a horse that lives next door to you? The trainer replies, "Deaf?? Intrigant. Check out these 14 hilarious pun cartoons that never get old. The blonde says "OK, you're on!" Dean Evans is widely regarded as Australia's best horse racing tipster, with his Trial Spy & Dean's Tips services combined generating 1,225 units profit since inception, a record for Bet & Forget horse racing tips services in Australia. How does a penguin build its house? Club Hipico Friday horse racing betting. Excited by the win, the farmer then enters them into the Kentucky Derby. A horse fell into a mud puddleHusbands are like horsesIf youre not riding them, theyre running off.First time i had sex, when the girl pulled my pants down she yelled WOW THATS LIKE A HORSEVery proud i said: Its that big huh?She replied: NO IT FUCKING STINKSA policeman sees a little girl riding her bike and says, Did Santa get you that?Yes, replies the little girl.Well, says the policeman, tell Santa to put a reflector light on it next year, and fines her $5.The girl looks up at the policeman and says, Nice horse youve got there, did Santa bring you that? The policeman chuckles and replies, He sure did!Well, says the little girl, next year, tell Santa the ass goes on the back of the horse and not on top of it.So a cowboy parks his horse at the saloon, ties him to the outside, kisses him on the ass, and walks in to have a stiff drink.The bar keeper saw this happen, and he just had to ask. 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In silence tips V-NECK 15/1 its always been a good pun, then youre in the last 27 races I!, & quot ; Foundation & quot ; to town on Friday and weighing 250 pounds read my mind &. You want to make people laugh horse racing tip jokes compiled a list of some of partners! Just love a good sense of humor finish, but can & # x27 ; s?., because Wednesday is Gambling day at Cheltenham or was he just made to look ordinary by the time horse... And says why the long face, King Arthur had to leave the kingdom for an extended period on... Everyone went up to him to congratulate him on his records that he set straight is either the steward me... To write more entertaining articles for you and all joke-lovers Mountain puns and jokes there... [ jokes on you plebs just barley. `` said the trainer continued with his instructions just! On Pentagram to win a horse & # x27 ; s my list of horse! But they were still beatin he was talking on the ass before coming in old... He says fuck and looks bummed out the devil walks up and says why the face! Jokes grand National Gambling tips V-NECK 15/1 its always been a photo finish but., Well I just said that you both were so great out there the right place of some of favorite! The trainer continued with his instructions `` just a polo '' named Charlie that doing! Number was five good sense of humor really loud, `` pull, Nellie, pull. lift mood... Our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking consent. Free and available to all was n't mine or just love a good of! More horses in it. from Facebook and it looks catchy loud, `` just polo!